141: Family, Fitness, and More: Marriage Talk with Bonnie + David
See the show notes for this Episode here.
This transcript has been automatically generated.
Bonnie Christine [00:00:00]:
Hi, everyone. Welcome to this episode of The Professional Creative. I have a very special guest with me today, one that's really cute. Hi, David.
David Forkner [00:00:11]:
Hi, everyone.
Bonnie Christine [00:00:13]:
David and I just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. We've been together 21 years, and so I opened this conversation up to you all over on Instagram. I said, what do you wanna know? Ask us anything, ask David anything, ask me anything about marriage and relationships. And so we're gonna try to get through 16 questions that were submitted by you today. Are you ready?
David Forkner [00:00:41]:
Let's go.
Bonnie Christine [00:00:43]:
I'm Bonnie Christine, and this is where all things creativity, design, business, and marketing unite. I'm a mama living in a tiny town tucked right inside the Smoky Mountains, running a multi 7 figure business, doing
Bonnie Christine [00:00:59]:
the most creative and impactful work of my life. But when I first set out to become an entrepreneur,
Bonnie Christine [00:01:06]:
I was struggling to make ends meet and wrestling with how to accomplish my biggest dream of becoming a fabric designer. Fast forward to today, I'm not only licensing my artwork all over the world, but also teaching others how to design their creative life and experience the same success. I'm here to help you spend your life doing something that lights you up. I'll help you build a creative business that also creates an impact, changes people's lives, gives you all of the freedom you want, and is wildly profitable. Welcome to the Professional Creative Podcast.
Bonnie Christine [00:01:49]:
Okay. Question number 1. Did you know I was the one when you first met me and vice versa?
David Forkner [00:01:58]:
No. Sorry. I was dumb and in high school.
Bonnie Christine [00:02:02]:
Yeah. Well, I was too. I would say also no. Just because I remember feeling like, you know, there were other priorities. You were busy at the time, you were a professional cyclist at the time, and it took a little bit of time for us to just grow up and prioritize each other. And so we dated for 5 years. I would say I knew with certainty at, like, around 3 years.
David Forkner [00:02:28]:
Sure. I was generally undeserving until possibly right at the end.
Bonnie Christine [00:02:34]:
What would we have a couple of questions, like tips for building a strong marriage, a strong relationship, advice on making a marriage work.
David Forkner [00:02:44]:
Sure. The easy answer is communication, but communication can be a challenge if you're both operating in different spheres. You have a very demanding job, and I'm not necessarily in that day to day, but we do a good job of debriefing each other when we've had long days. And, we have a a great working relationship of sharing the things that we need to discuss with one another and, you know, making sure that we both are involved in each other's, lives no matter how separate our actual work days are.
Bonnie Christine [00:03:23]:
Our kids are right outside the door jumping on a trampoline if you hear squeals. This is this is marriage.
David Forkner [00:03:30]:
Right.
Bonnie Christine [00:03:32]:
So I would say when I think about advice on making a marriage work is absolutely communication. I would also say respect. Respect for each other, knowing that we love each other. And if we love each other, we always have each other's best interest at heart and at the forefront of our minds. And so with respect, we can tackle anything. We can have difficult conversations. We can disagree respectfully. We can we can grow.
Bonnie Christine [00:04:04]:
And so I think that that is a big part of it as well.
David Forkner [00:04:09]:
Yeah. Respect is huge. We don't bash each other to our friends. We don't, assume the worst.
Bonnie Christine [00:04:16]:
Question number 3, do you pray together?
David Forkner [00:04:18]:
Yes. Daily, probably several times a day. But for sure, every morning, we pray as a family, and a lot of times at night, especially if there's any, area of concern or shoot any, any happy occasion. We we definitely thank God for all the things in our life, and we ask him for support and guidance in all our decisions.
Bonnie Christine [00:04:43]:
You know, I think that we just pray nonstop, really. We like to keep prayer
David Forkner [00:04:48]:
Try to.
Bonnie Christine [00:04:50]:
We try to keep prayer casual, meaning I don't think that God cares about how formal we are about prayer. So we are in constant communication with the Lord, but also we build it into our family culture. So every morning, we pray before school as a family, and every evening, we pray before our meal, and then every night, we pray before bed. We're just we we're just always praying.
David Forkner [00:05:17]:
Right. The goal is to pray unceasingly. So, we try to operate in constant communication.
Bonnie Christine [00:05:23]:
And when we have something that we're grateful for, something amazing that has happened, then we're always just in in thanks. Like, we're always in great gratitude. And because this is just our family culture, our children do it by nature as well. It's been a really, really sweet thing to see. Yeah. Okay. So a couple of questions about you and my business.
David Forkner [00:05:48]:
Right. So my role definitely has changed, for the first 5 years of our relationship. I was the sole provider. And after Bonnie's business started taking off, which at the same time we were starting our family with young kids, my role definitely had to adapt. And, yeah, there were a lot of changes that took place, and I became more of the stay at home dad for a while. But now I do have a career of my own, and I, am in investment real estate. I have a few residential rentals as well as commercial rentals. And, yeah, we work well now as a team, working with the kids and making sure that we get get good time with both kids in their activities after school, but certainly there had to had to be a role reversal as her business took off and we started a family.
Bonnie Christine [00:06:42]:
I actually think this topic is one that doesn't get discussed a lot because maybe it's difficult to talk about, but I think that it's one that's really worth having this discussion. And it is, you know, David and I came into our marriage in a very traditional sense. And so what does it look like when things just kind of flip flop? Because at some point, we looked at the data. It was a data driven decision. The only thing that made sense was for us to kind of flip flop so that I would be the primary income bringer inner. And David would be the the primary kind of caretaker of the kids while they were home and, you know, not in school yet. And then when they started going to school, you opened up. And so David does a lot of philanthropy work, a lot of work with nonprofits and he really is in charge of making sure that we're setting ourselves up for success long term.
Bonnie Christine [00:07:48]:
And so that has been something that's taken off my plate. He also is the one who takes care of all of the details of our life, all of the arrangements and the documents and the taxes and the mail, like all of those things. And so I'm really freed up to focus on the things that I do best. But I do think that there's this a little bit of an awkward dance when things kind of flip flop. And you look at each other and you're like, well, wait. Who's gonna do this now? It's like, I think it's you or I think it's you. And so it's not like a a bad time. It is a challenging time.
Bonnie Christine [00:08:25]:
It's a redefining what roles look like and what leadership in the home looks like and, you know, how how does this play out too. And so, for instance, one thing that was really important for us is that it wasn't my money just in the same way that when David was the primary provider, it wasn't his money. It was our money. And so we come to everything with an us, a we to it. But the next question is related, David, and it's for you. And it says, was it easy to make that switch in the decision? And what advice would you give another husband who is facing the same kind of thing?
David Forkner [00:09:10]:
Yeah. I think, initially, it was not easy or, didn't come natural to me. I I do believe that the husband's role is to lead his family. He has a duty of sacrificial responsibility to his family. It gives me an extra burden of stewarding that money well, ensuring that our family as a unit operates well, is in touch with each other, both spiritually and, you know, typical relationally, like, having fun together and making sure that we're making all the kids events and sports and things like that. But, yeah, it was a little bit difficult at first because I was used to going to my 9 to 5 and kinda doing what I needed to or what I wanted to, and that changed very much. So and I think that I'm a better man for it personally, because I do think responsibility is a sacrificial duty so much more than people think it is. Just making money, it's, being there and, doing whatever the family needs to have done.
Bonnie Christine [00:10:15]:
Okay. This next question is a little bit lighter. Do we train together? And if so Yeah. Do you think that this has helped strengthen our bond? And so there was another question similar to this. Basically, do you work out together?
David Forkner [00:10:30]:
Yeah. I think this is the best thing that probably ever happened to us. We started CrossFit or at least CrossFit style workouts, which neither of us thought we would ever be into. In fact, we both made fun of it just like most of you probably do. But, yeah, we're super into it. It has been a common bond that we share now. With common complaint, we can complain about the workout. We can talk about how sore we are after the workout.
David Forkner [00:10:56]:
And, yeah, it's been Did
Bonnie Christine [00:10:57]:
you see the workout for tomorrow?
David Forkner [00:10:59]:
No. I do not.
Bonnie Christine [00:11:01]:
One of the things that we prioritized was going to the same class, and this wasn't necessarily super easy. We go to an 8:30 AM class, which means that we have to get the kids settled ahead of time. And, also, like, I'm not diving into work until a little bit later. But we did some rearranging of things because we were very much prioritizing being able to go to the same class. And I think, yeah, what a gift it is as a couple to be able to have that as common grounds and not feel isolated in our goals and not having to tell each other what we did that day because we were there. We saw it. And we I think it's one of the most fun things we do together every single day.
David Forkner [00:11:46]:
It is kind of our daily date. So I used to go to the early 6 AM class, and then Bonnie would go to a later class. And so we would sort of switch shifts with the kids or whatever was going on, but now it does make our day start a little bit later. But it's been worth it, and and it's been a huge, I think, common come Bonnie.
Bonnie Christine [00:12:07]:
Common bot. Okay. Question on how we met. So I'll take this one. David and I, we went to high school together. We didn't really know each other super well until David was a senior. He's 1 year older than me. And we had a mutual friend, and we just kinda started hanging out together.
Bonnie Christine [00:12:29]:
So we we officially started dating 1 week before David graduated, which means that we can declare that we were high school sweethearts.
David Forkner [00:12:40]:
Yes. But the joke on me was that I was a senior, and Bonnie was a junior in high school. So I was the cool freshman in college with a high school girlfriend, which definitely saved me.
Bonnie Christine [00:12:53]:
Okay. So what's your favorite fabric collection of mine and why?
David Forkner [00:13:00]:
I think definitely well, I don't know if it is it a yeah. I guess it is a pattern. The, the stag head or the Mhmm. The buck.
Bonnie Christine [00:13:08]:
Well, that one
Bonnie Christine [00:13:09]:
that one's from Hello Bear.
David Forkner [00:13:10]:
Yeah. So Hello Bear. Right? That's isn't that the first one you did? No. Really? Okay. Yeah.
Bonnie Christine [00:13:15]:
But it was early on, and Hello, Bear was named after our son, Bear.
David Forkner [00:13:20]:
For sure.
Bonnie Christine [00:13:21]:
Okay. What has been the whole family's favorite vacation ever so far? I think this one is great timing.
David Forkner [00:13:30]:
Oh, that's a tough one. Favorite family vacation? Probably, Belize because we keep going back. Has to be. Yeah.
Bonnie Christine [00:13:38]:
So every single year, we have this same place in Belize that we go one week of every year. It's actually coming up. We're starting to pack for it tonight.
David Forkner [00:13:48]:
Yeah. Is that what I'm thinking? I already packed the good
Bonnie Christine [00:13:51]:
stuff today. And so we take David's entire family. So his mom, his dad, sister, her husband. My sister and her husband went last year, but they have a newborn this year. So they're not joining us this year rightfully so. And so we're gonna be there next week in Belize soaking up some sunshine, and it's one of our favorite places on Earth. Okay. This next question is, what is the current most magical place for the kids to spend time in?
David Forkner [00:14:26]:
Yeah. I think I think the garden for sure, has been for a while, but now it's a little extra since we added 16 chickens and 8 ducks, something like that. So, yeah, it's got a new life now and definitely a place that we all get together and hang out and watch the ducks, weed the weed the beds.
Bonnie Christine [00:14:49]:
Yeah. It's the most magical place I get to be too. This is a business question. It says, how much do you pay yourself a year out of your proceeds, a percentage, or a set amount? So this has me thinking about profit margins, and it's something that, you know, an entrepreneur, like, might not think about right off the bat. And also, as your business grows, your profit margin will go down naturally because you're outsourcing more, you're hiring more, you have more expenses. One of the, I think, the most beautiful things about being a creative entrepreneur is that typically your profit margins are really, really solid, especially if you're doing any kind of online or digital, downloads or courses or anything like that. So what I do is go by a percentage. So I try to keep all of our salaries including my own.
Bonnie Christine [00:15:48]:
So I have a team of 12 that includes me at no more than 25 to 30% of our gross annual revenue. So if that's helpful, take your gross annual revenue and yours your wages for yourself, your salary, and employees should be 20 to 20 sorry. 25 to 30% of your gross annual revenue. Okay. Next question. Your marriage seems perfect. What would be what would we be surprised to to know that's hard for you? Okay. Well, I actually think this is an entire episode of its own.
Bonnie Christine [00:16:32]:
You'll have to let us know if you wanna know more. But David and I are Enneagram nerds. We for the record, we love this book called The Road Back To You by Anne Crohn, and we read it probably about 5 years ago. And to our core, I'm an Enneagram 3 wing 4 and David is a solid Enneagram 7. And so this kind of study just showed us so much about each other and why there were certain things that were difficult, so I'll say one. So for instance, as an Enneagram 7, David is there for the adventure. He's there for the fun. He's fun loving.
Bonnie Christine [00:17:14]:
Everybody wants to be around him. He wants to travel. He wants to experience things. And as an Enneagram 3, I love to be kind of in my alone zone. Like, I love to be quiet. I love to be focused. I love to be, really just kind of like home. I'm also a homebody.
Bonnie Christine [00:17:34]:
I don't know if that makes a big difference with my Enneagram number, but I love home. And so I always feel like I would just stay home all the time if I wasn't married to an Enneagram 7. And if you weren't married to me, you would probably be free to travel all the time. So we meet in the happy middle, but what does that mean for you?
David Forkner [00:17:54]:
Yeah. We definitely complement each other quite well. I have a tendency to stack trips on top of trips, on top of adventures.
Bonnie Christine [00:18:02]:
You too can plan the next trip while we're
David Forkner [00:18:05]:
on the trip. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's it is a true, fault of mine or at least fact. And, yeah, Bonnie has to travel for work sometimes, and so I'm usually, you know, planning how we can tag along some other extra trip or adventure on top of that. And sometimes she just needs to recharge the batteries, so I have to be aware of that. I have to be understanding of that.
Bonnie Christine [00:18:27]:
Sometimes you travel alone. Sometimes I do as well. Sometimes when we've been traveling a lot, you super respect that I need to, like, a couple of hours. Like, you'll wake up early, take the kids to breakfast, and I'll kind of make my first appearance around 10 or 11, and I'll have just had my so the other thing to this is that I'm an introvert. David's an extrovert. So that means that I recharge in my silent time, and David tends to recharge in the being with other people. So I think just knowing, like, knowledge is power. Knowing it means that we respect it and we understand the needs.
Bonnie Christine [00:19:07]:
And so we just we just make sure that we're both getting what we need to feel energized and happy about it.
David Forkner [00:19:14]:
Yeah. If I if I drag you halfway around the world, I might give you till noon that day to Alright. Recharge and get maybe get some work done before we go adventuring.
Bonnie Christine [00:19:25]:
So, frankly, I have no idea how many questions we've answered. Did you count? Nothing. I don't I didn't count, but here's one last one that I think is really great. For couples building a dream together, what is your biggest piece of advice?
David Forkner [00:19:39]:
I think, expectations are important in communication in that. So, if you plan on your spouse fulfilling a role, you need to make sure that that spouse knows about that role. So a lot of people are shocked that I don't work in Bonnie's business. And we talked about it, and I'm not necessarily opposed to it, but I do think that we work better with me outside of her business. And so that would have been an important part. If Bonnie had been disappointed or expected me to work directly in the business, that would have been a big area of contention, I think, between us. So I'm happy that she's okay with me outside of it, and I think it works better that way.
Bonnie Christine [00:20:21]:
I would say, though, that as much as you are outside of it, I bring you in all the time. So one of my favorite gifts that David has is just discernment. Like, he can cut through fog for me almost instantly. So I bring the business and the decisions to you all the time. We're talking about it constantly. So you do kind of act as my almost like my mentor, my sounding board, that kind of thing, but you're not in in it on the daily. Yeah.
David Forkner [00:20:52]:
I've heard you say that you're too close to it to see it. So
Bonnie Christine [00:20:55]:
Yeah. And you get to see it really clearly because you're just a little bit further away from it. So I would say to your point, I think that one thing that marriages get tripped tripped up over sometimes is that we have thoughts, feelings, preferences, and we assume the other person knows them, and then we're frustrated when they don't. And so communicating really clearly about your thoughts, feelings, and preferences. So, like, if somebody really needs something, let's say that you need an hour to yourself to work on your biggest dream, and you're feeling frustrated that you're not getting it. My kind of question is, like, how seriously have you talked about that being a need? Because I think that when you respect and you love each other, then hands down, you're gonna set each other for up for success as much as you possibly can. So both ways, what do we need what do we need to communicate clearly to understand our thoughts and our feelings and our preferences?
David Forkner [00:22:01]:
Yeah. Just because you both wanna open a bakery doesn't mean that the other person is gonna automatically be the one mixing the flour every
Bonnie Christine [00:22:08]:
year. Right. And so you don't wanna make assumptions. You wanna just have really clear communication always. My friends, create the beauty that you want to see come alive in the world. And remember,
David Forkner [00:22:22]:
there's room for you.
